Why Hermione Should Not Have A Penis
by frogginginsanity
Summary: When Hermione and Draco are elected head girl and boy, they find out they have to secretly switch bodies, lives, and friends for a month to get along better. What happens when Hermione has to live for parties, and Draco for school? Review! New titleold wa
1. The Surprise

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and obviously never well, yada, yada, yada. ENJOY!

Hermione was so excited! This year she had fulfilled her dream. She was going to be head girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! But there was a down side to it, too. She had the sneaking suspicion that Draco would be head boy. That would be terrible! But other than that, it would be a ball!

And she was so excited to see Harry! Last year, they found out that they both loved each other, and started dating. But she hadn't gotten to see him all summer, because she was in France with her parents when Harry visited 14 Grimwald Place, and the rest of the summer Harry was at the Dursley's.

"Harry! Ron!" Hermione ran over to her friends on platform nine and three quarters. She wrapped her arms around Harry and kissed him.

"Her-" Harry was cut off by Hermione's lips on his, which was a much better greeting anyway if you ask him.

"Hullo Hermione," said Ron.

"Oh, Harry I missed you so much! And you too Ron," Hermione said once her and Harry were finished kissing.

"I missed you too, Hermione! It's so good to see you!" exclaimed Harry.

"Oh no, it looks like ferret boy is head boy! That'll give him another reason to torment us," Ron announced grimly.

Hermione gasped. "Oh no, and I'm head girl!"

"Oh my gosh! Congragulations!" Harry cheered.

"That's awful!" exclaimed Ron.

"Awful?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, that means she has to share a dormitory with Malfoy!" explained Ron.

"Aww, don't remind me!" complained Hermione.

"Don't worry, I won't let him do anything to you!" Harry comforted.

"Thanks Harry," Hermione replied.

Once they had arrived at Hogwarts, the first years were sorted into houses. After dinner Professor McGonagall screamed, "Head Girl and Boy over here please! I need to meet with the Head Boy and Girl!"

Hermione and Draco rose immediately, and went over to where Professor McGonagall was standing. But not without first glaring at the other. "Please, follow me, we will talk in my office," she instructed.

Once they arrived in Professor McGonagall's office she pointed to two chairs. "Sit," she commanded. Hermione and Draco sat. "First let me congratulate you both on becoming head boy and girl. It is a great honor!" Hermione smiled in thanks, and Draco just sat there, a blank expression on his face.

"Now, as you both know you will be sharing a room. You will both have your own private bedrooms, and bathrooms. Together you may make up the password, and should tell no one else. Your portrait is a bowl of fruit; I will show you where it is shortly. In being head boy and girl you have to be able to work well together as a team. And to ensure that you do so, you will switch bodies for a month," explained Professor McGonagall.

"What?"

"Change places? You're kidding me! None of the other Head Boys had to do that!" screamed Draco. What the fuck was she thinking! He would NEVER change places with a MUDBLOOD!

"Mr. Malfoy, take a seat. And calm down. I must assure you, all head boys and girls have gone through this. It will help you understand each other better, hence you will be able to work together much better. We will be using an enhanced form of the Polyjuice potion, which I'm sure Miss Granger understands having once used it," Professor McGonagall paused only long enough to give Hermione a pointed look. Hermione blushed a deep shade of red, Draco utterly confused. "As I was saying, you must switch classes, friends, and houses for the next month. You will act like each other, and no one must know about this. I must insist on total secrecy!" She handed them each a goblet. "Here, drink. Tomorrow you will awake as the other. I will show you to your common room, where you will agree on a password, and make sure you know enough about the other to be able to act believably as them."

Soon they arrived at their rooms. They went inside to explore. They were huge, gorgeous rooms, with huge bedrooms attached. Each with their own bedroom.

"How about this is the fucking worst thing I've ever had to endure?" Malfoy asked.

"What?"

"Of course perhaps you like it. The chance to live in a pureblood's body for a whole month, you must be honored. So I guess that wouldn't be a decent password."

"Malfoy, fuck off. Can't you just try to be nice? It's not like I'm excited about this either! How about asshole? I suppose you'd like that one, it would be named for you then," Hermione suggested. She smiled sweetly.

"Bitch!"

"Fine, it'll be dragonblood, okay?" Hermione said.

"Whatever," Draco smirked. "So, what's going on with you and Harry then?"

"We're going out, haven't you heard?"

"Fuck! I forgot about that! Well, it's not like you Griffindors snog or anything anyway, so at least I don't have to worry about that," Draco muttered.

Hermione laughed. "Umm, you might want to think about that again. We definitely snog, and sometimes more," Hermione confessed.

"What! I don't believe it, certainly not Miss Goodygoody Griffindor." The blush on Hermione's face told Draco otherwise. "Oh shit. How far have you gone with Potty then?"

"Don't call him that! After all, you'll be going out with him for a month. And that is absolutely none of your business!" Hermione yelled.

"It certainly is. I have to know how to prepare myself," Draco suggested.

"You're a disgusting bastard, you know that?" Hermione sighed. "Fine, but you can't ever tell anyone this, okay?"

"Come on Granger! You're acting as if I really want to know, trust me, it's not like I want to know these kinds of things," Draco sneered.

"Well, god this is so embarrassing!"

"Spit it out, Granger!"

"Almost all the way. And we decided that we would want to go all the way this year, after we caught up with each other again," Hermione, who was now a deep shade of red, spat out.

Draco laughed, "I wouldn't have expected that, not for Miss Goodygoody."

"Draco, it had better not be you in my body for my first time, you know! If it is, I'd kill you!" Hermione threatened.

"Still a virgin, are we?" Draco taunted.

"So what's going on between you and Pansy?" Hermione asked, eager to get away from the subject of her and Harry.

"Nothing!"

"Yeah, right." Hermione commented.

"Well, let's just say, I'm not a one girl kind of guy. I like my multi girls, and I'm having a party with them tomorrow. But I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do now!" Draco worried.

"A party? Draco? On a school night? What are you thinking, you're Head Boy!"

"Great, my reputation is going to suffer from this, I can tell!"

"We'll just have to lay low for a while, I guess, until we can get the hang of being each other," Hermione suggested. "Umm Draco, who are these girls that you bed every night?"

"Granger! That's none of your business!" he sneered.

"Hey, I'm going to a party with them tomorrow, I might as well know who they are!" Hermione protested.

"Fine, Pansy, Helena, Verana, Clare, Lilia, Sara, Jenni, Jessica, and Maggie, aka mags. There, are you happy?" he admitted.

"Ugggh," Hermione sighed.

"I'm going to bed, Night Granger."

"Night Draco," Hermione replied. She sighed. This was going to be quite a year.

A/N: Please review, I have quite a few ideas for this story, so please review! Hope you liked it!


	2. The Next Morning

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters, but I wish I did! That would rock my socks! 

A/N I'm going to call Hermione Hermione even though she's in Draco's body, just so you know. And the same with Draco too.

Please, PLEASE leave a review… even if it's short and only one word, I'd still love to know what you think of my story!

Hermione woke up, with a really weird feeling all over her. "What's wrong with me?" she asked herself. Then she looked at herself, and realized she was in Draco's body. Sure, she had used the Polyjuice Potion before, and turned into, well--an animal, but that was different. Then she knew she would change, but waking up in the morning as a different person, is just about enough to give you a heart attack! Hermione headed towards the bathroom to take a shower, but stopped suddenly, she would see Draco naked! And he would see her naked! "Oh my god, this is a nightmare!" Hermione moaned. Sure, she had seen pictures of naked men, and had come close to seeing Harry naked, but never really in person! And she'd have to touch his, his thinger! After all, she really did have to pee, she realized.

"Hmm," she thought. How exactly do guys pee? Hermione scolded herself for never paying attention to Harry or Ron when they were talking about things. They stood up, that much she knew. But did they have to aim or anything? Eww, that would be nasty if they had to touch it or something! Hermione felt something wet in her pants, "Fuck, I really have to go!" Hermione crossed her legs, and did the o-my-god-I-really-have-to-fucking-pee-and-NOW Dance.

"Everything alright in there Granger?" Hermione heard herself, erm Malfoy ask. She must have said that louder than she thought.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, I just heard you yelling, thought maybe a certain body part's size alarmed you or something?" Malfoy smirked.

"Don't you wish? I've seen bigger," at least she thought she had. She hadn't actually had a proper look at Draco's yet…

"Riight." Draco laughed. She sounded so damn confused it was absolutely bloody hilarious!

"Okay, I can do this," Hermione whispered to herself. Maybe she should have asked Draco how to pee. No! What was she thinking? They may be in each other's bodies, but they still hated each other. Perhaps she could owl Harry, wouldn't that be a pleasant letter?

Harry darling,

I have a question for you; how do guys pee? It's urgent, write back!

Love,

Hermione

No. No. NO! She couldn't bloody well send it, he would think she was nuts, and then he'd ask her about it, and Draco would know. Malfoy. Why was she suddenly calling him Draco? What was wrong with her?

Ooh! She still had to pee-and bad! Okay, she'd just stand over the toilet. Right. She could do this. Okay.

Hermione suddenly realized that she was wearing her undies, and that Draco's…. thinger was in them. Eww! Okay, she would have to pull down her pants then, and SEE it! Not that she wouldn't have to see it anyway…HERMIONE JUST FUCKING GET IT OVER WITH, YOU REALLY HAVE TOO PEE! She cursed herself. Hermione finally mustered up all of her courage, and pulled off her pants, and her underwear. For a minute she just stared. Were they all that big? Okay, now she really had to pee. She put the toilet seat up (she knew they did that because her dad always left it up) and let herself pee. But much to her dismay it didn't go into the toilet! No way, but it did seem to go everywhere but the toilet. "Fuck!" she cursed, and quickly stopped peeing. What was wrong with her….thinger? Was it supposed to do that?

"Granger, are you sure you're okay in there?" asked Draco.

"Why would you care, Malfoy?" Hermione yelled. She wasn't about to ask for help, at least not from him!

"Well, it's my body, and I know you're inexperienced, so I thought I'd give you a couple tips." Draco smiled evilly. He knew what she was going through; in the morning he either had a major boner, or really had to pee. And he figured it would be the latter this morning, having had a killer boner yesterday. Granger would be in for quite a ride tomorrow!

"Fuck off, Malfoy!"

"Alright, but I must recommend that you aim. Erm, you're going to have to touch it, you know." Why was he being so god damn nice to her? Oh yeah, because Granger had these beautiful breasts, and he had yet to check out the rest of her body!

How did he know I was peeing? Well, as long as he gave her the advice she might as well use it. Hermione grabbed it, before she could lose her nerve, but was relived to see that it wasn't that bad. She thought it would be slimy, or something. Perhaps this could actually benefit her and Harry, provided Malfoy didn't screw things up for them. Okay, aiming. She aimed in the general direction of the toilet, and let herself pee again. Ahhh, that felt good. Finally she finished, and then she cleaned up her mess.

She thought as long as she was comfortable with his body, she ought to take a shower, she smelled awful! But then she would smell all girly. Hmm, perhaps they ought to have thought about this last night. They would need to exchange shampoo and clothes! Draco couldn't very well go out wearing a mini skirt! So she gathered up some clothes and headed over to Draco's room.

"Erm, Malfoy? We have to exchange shampoo and clothes."

"Did you finally manage yourself alright Granger?" Draco asked. He smirked and opened the door, the look on Granger's face would be priceless. "Stop blushing, Granger, it doesn't suit my face."

"How, how did you know… you know?" Hermione asked.

"It's always that. That or….well you'll find out." Draco grabbed some clothes and shampoo, and quickly traded with her. "And don't forget about the party." He slammed his door on her.

Hermione quickly headed back to her room to shower and dress. While showering she quickly found out that her ummm…..thinger was sensitive to even the slightest touch. As she started to wash it off, a quiet moan escaped her lips. She was shocked to see it grow. She quickly withdrew her hand and definitely didn't put it back!

Soon Hermione and Draco were dressed, and they met in the common room.

"Stop shaking your ass when you walk! It doesn't suit me," Draco said. It was really quite odd to hear yourself talking. Hermione looked at Malfoy. It was quite comical, really. He looked all confused, and kept fussing with his clothes. Especially his underclothes.

"I don't shake my ass!" Hermione. "You need to stop fidgeting! And don't stand like that! You make me look like a man!"

"Well considering for the time being you are a man, that's kinda difficult!"

Hermione glared at him. "You better be good Draco, I don't want my relationship with Harry screwed up! I'll kill you if it is!" Hermione threatened.

"And don't you go ruining my reputation! And no making me look like a smart-ass in class either!" Draco stalked off down to breakfast, they were already late.

"Don't make me look like a dumb-ass, Malfoy! And quit that walk, you're making me look like I'm constipated!"

A/N Sorry this chapter wasn't much longer, but I'll update again soon. I have some really good ideas for something later on in the story, so keep reading! And review!


	3. Draco Has His Horomones in Check

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters.

Please, please, please leave a review!

Okay, this chapter is basically last chapter, but in Malfoy's view. Hope you like!

Draco awoke, pleasantly surprised that he didn't have a terrible nagging in his pants. He had forgotten all about the switch, and just assumed that he was finally getting his hormones under control. But when he got up and glanced in the mirror he jumped about 10 feet. Granger was in his room, what the fuck? Then he realized that she was standing right where he was, so he quickly moved out of her way, after all, he wouldn't want to touch a mudblood! Finally, after some strategic hopping around the room, punching the air, yelling, and unrepeatable cursing he remembered about the switch. No wonder she was wherever he was!

As he was heading into the bathroom he got a nice side view of himself. "Woah, nice tits! Where's she been hiding those?" Draco then proceeded to take off his shirt and check them out further. He squeezed around on them for a while, and then he heard some screaming and muttering, and a really loud "FUCK" coming from Hermione's room. Now Draco knew his body very well, and knew that in the morning he either had to pee or had one hell of a boner. And either way he knew Hermione would be alarmed at the sheer size. After all, Harry can't be anything in comparison, if she had even seen his.

So Draco decided to see how she was doing, otherwise she might never leave her room. "Alright in there Granger?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Draco could hear the sheer panic in her voice, and knew she was hiding something from him.

"I don't know, I thought maybe a certain body part's size alarmed you or something?" he smirked. What she has to say now is going to be priceless, he thought. I'm never going to let her forget this!

"Don't you wish? I've seen bigger!"

Yeah.

Sure.

There was NO POSSIBLE way Draco was going to believe that! After all, she was Miss 'goody-goody' Granger.

"Riight!" Hahaha, did she actually think that he believed her? She sucked at lying, even with his voice. Shit. That's not good, I always lie, and she will have to too! Everyone will be able to tell the difference. Well fuck this, I have to help her.

Draco got caught up in his thoughts, and stood in front of her door a little longer than he probably should have. When he started to leave he heard some more swearing, and some rustling around. God, Granger sure swears a lot for a goody-goody! "Granger are you sure you're okay in there?" Sheesh, if she keeps this up, she'll be dead by the end of the month! One can only hope…

"Why would you care Malfoy?" Okay, now she just sounded desperate for help.

"Well, it's my body and I know you're inexperienced, so I thought I'd give you a couple tips," Draco smiled evilly. What Draco would have given to see what was going on in there, I mean really. How bad could a person mess up going to the bathroom? But then again, we are talking about Granger here.

"Fuck off Malfoy!" Right. Like that's gonna happen. Well actually…..no. Draco. Stay focused, this isn't the time to be playing with her tits, Draco reminded himself, and sadly removed his hand from her breasts.

"Alright, but I must recommend that you aim. Erm, you're going to have to touch it you know." Woah. Why the hell am I being so god damn nice to her! Oh yeah, because she has these beautiful breasts! And Draco hadn't even got to the rest of her body yet. Speaking of the rest of her body….he should get to that now, while he still had the time.

Draco headed back to his room, and once again yanked off his shirt. He then began massaging his breasts. "Ooh!" How did girls not always play around with their breasts? I mean really. It feels so good! Ooh, now to the exciting part. For some reason Draco had always had a fascination with women's bodies. Draco grinned into the mirror. Draco studied his face for a minute. He usually never even looked at faces…just at breasts. (You gotta love those!) But Hermione's face was perfect!

There wasn't even a pimple on her! (Unlike some girls who look like fucking pizzas! Now that is just about the nastiest thing on a girl!) She has nice, fare skin, wow, it's beautiful!

And her eyebrows are actually there! I mean, most girls pluck 'em all off. That look is bad…but then again so are bushy eyebrows. I wonder what is worse…..

And by the looks of things, she (I, actually) doesn't wear make-up!

Ha!

You'd never have thought. Don't all girls wear make-up?

I guess I always assumed…..

I always thought Hermione (Why the fuck am I calling her Hermione? She's Granger for god's sake!) was the type to wear shitty colors of make-up, which would make her look like she's wearing a mask. I never even considered her not wearing any…hmmmm, looks like there is more to the female race than they out on…. They always act so damn dense about certain things! Like after dates when you try to fuck them, they are like, "Stop! What are you doing?"

I hate those girls. The kind who doesn't even know how to have sex.

God, they talk enough, you'd think they'd talk about something useful once! I mean, really!

Knock, knock. "Erm Malfoy, we have to exchange shampoo and clothes," Hermione said. Draco quickly shoved on his shirt and opened the door.

"Did you finally manage yourself alright Granger?" he asked. After all, there was NO way he was going to pass up the opportunity to make fun of her about before. Hermione was blushing, apparently she was embarrassed easily. Fuck, that makes me look like a sun burnt zebra. "Stop blushing, Granger. It doesn't suit my face."

"How, how did you know….you know?" Hermione asked.

Come on! It is my body, what does she think? "It's always that. That or….well you'll find out." Ha! She's gonna die tomorrow! If she couldn't even pee, she would have to shoot herself tomorrow!

I grabbed some shampoo, black pants, a black tee-shirt, and quickly traded with her. "Don't forget about the party tonight, Granger." I slammed the door on her; I couldn't stand seeing myself anymore. God, if people could see what was going on in my mind, I'd be dead! It's not like I'm really a heartless ass-hole! My reputation would be ruined, but it's just so….weird!

Now, back to my examination!


	4. Practice

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters or anything of the sort. So yeah.

There is some stuff in here that Draco does that is totally unDracoish, but you see, when people switch bodies they kind of have this bond, and they absolutely have to work together…

As Draco started heading down to breakfast, god he was hungry, he spotted Crab and Goyle waiting at the bottom of the steps, just as he had told them do to for him.

"Hey guys, ready to go eat?" Draco asked them out of instinct.

Crab and Goyle burst out into fits of laughter and in comprehendible sentences. "Hahahahaha….mudblood……who does she think she is………wait till Malfoy hears about this………….mublood……..

Still can't believe it…..hahaha………..hungry……………haha….wait, what were we talking about again… doughnuts?... hehe… that wasn't it….. haha…… stupid …. Oh well….. hahahaha"

Draco, or rather Hermione's body, flushed a deep red, "I can't believe I still thought that I was me," he muttered under his breath.

"Hey, 'Mione!"

"Weasley." Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm not ready for this…I have to call him Ron!

"Umm, okay…listen, 'Mione, I really have to talk to you about something. It's really important!"

"Okay…what is it?" I asked, God, I hope Ron and Hermione aren't close, I should have asked her. I knew I'd have to put up with Potty, but I hadn't even thought about Weasel.

"Not _now!_ Harry can't know," Ron quickly whispered.

"'Mione, babe, I hope Draco wasn't too unbearable last night!" Potter cooed. As he walked up to me I leaned over me as though he was going to kiss me or something!

I quickly backed off, thinking I was just mistaken or something, certainly Potter and Granger weren't that close, I mean kissing in public, not Miss Goodygoody Granger!

"Hermione," Potter looked at me all confusedly, "What's wrong? Don't you like me?"

I can't believe I'm going to do this, I can't believe that I'm going to be nice to Potter! "Umm, no, I mean, errrrm, of course I like you, Harry! I just, I have a cold sore. Yep, a cold sore! Wouldn't want you to get it from me! So I think we had better not kiss for a couple days, maybe weeks, maybe a whole month! You know, these things have to be taken seriously, they do. Yes, you can't just go kissing people with these things! Do you know what would happen then? Everyone would have cold sores! I would get one and then you would get one, and eventually it would just go around to the whole school, I mean, it would just be an epidemic of cold sores! Really, Harry, I better not like kiss you or like even go close to you for a while! Really, I mean I read something that said if you stand like even within a foot of someone that you will get it from them. Yeah, so you really should get away from me, you're too close, really!"

"'Mione, relax! I'm willing to take the chance for you," Harry said seductively while pulling me close and wrapping his arms around my waist. "We've been apart a long time, we've much to catch up on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the Great Hall, but first we have to eat, I doubt I'm any good on an empty stomach anyway." Harry grinned.

Oh God, I really am going to have to come up with a better excuse than cold sores to get out of this! Harry seems really set on doing…well, stuff. I mean, I've done tons more, but never with boys! I mean, I've never even kissed a guy, and I'm certainly not going to start now… and if I ever did kiss a guy… it wouldn't be Potty!

"Finally, you guys! Where have you been?" Ron asked. "No, wait, on the other hand, just don't answer that."

Hermione:

"Dracey-poo! Where have you been, my sweetums?" Pansy asked, pulling him into a strong but short kiss.

EWWWW! HOLY SHIT, PANSY JUST KISSED ME! Oh my god, I think I'm going to barf!

"Drac, I can't wait for the party tonight! Sara told me that we're getting strippers! Oh, did she tell you what time to come?"

"Erm, no."

Pansy just stared at me. "It's at ten, my room."

How the hell am I supposed to know where her room is?

"Pick me up at 9:30 and we'll walk there together," I told her. That kind of seemed like a Malfoyish move, but I really don't want to go, I mean strippers? What if I have to like _kiss_ someone! Like a girl or something? I mean, sure, I've done a fair amount of kissing…but not with girls! I have got to talk to Malfoy, I mean, I just can't do this! We have to switch back!

I quickly spun around and sauntered (as best I could) into the great hall and up to the Gryffindor table.

"Granger," I spat. "We have to go do rounds. Now!"

"Malfoy, get the fuck away from our table," Harry spat at me. He really can be mean, and I'm glad that I'm not on his bad side…usually, but now I am. I think that I actually might feel kind of bad for him- Draco I mean. We really are always so mean to him. Whoa! What the hell am I thinking? I mean, this is Malfoy that we're talking about, here!

"Trust me; I feel no pleasure in being here. Hurry up, Granger."

"Granger, what the hell do you think that you're doing? People can't see me with you! I mean you with me…or really me with you, but now it's you with me… or well really it's…" Draco told me once we got out of the Great Hall.

"Draco shut up!"

Shut up? Shut up? No one has ever told me to shut up before!

"I can't go to that party tonight."

"What do you mean you can't go? You have to!"

"Malfoy, you know I can't _possibly_ fit in at one of those parties… I mean, there are going to be _STRIPPERS_ there… I really should report this. I mean, even if I _did_ go, how would I know how to act?"

"Granger, you are the most helpless person that I have ever met!"

Draco grabbed my arm and yanked me toward the stairs. "Follow me." He led me back into our room and pulled me into his bedroom. "I'm not going to have you ruin my reputation… there are a few things that you should know."

Thank God! He was finally going to explain some things to me, like who he liked, that kind of thing. I guess he does have some sense in him after all.

"Well go on then," he prompted.

"What do you mean? I thought you were going to tell me something!" I replied.

Draco laughed. "Hell no! You need to _practice_, Granger! I can't go in there and have no idea what I'm doing, so go on."

"Ewww, I'm not kissing my own body!" That would make me a lesbian… only not really because right now I'm a man… gods, this is so confusing.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I'm real thrilled about this either. Your boyfriend is the one who is horny as hell. All he wants to do is kiss."

"YOU KISSED HIM? YOU BASTARD… HOW COULD YOU KISS MY BOYFRIEND?"

"I didn't kiss him… and for the record, he's my boyfriend now. Not that I'm happy about it or anything."

"Oh."

"Listen, would you just _try_? You're going to have to be in charge, you know. And I doubt that you're used to it. And trust me, there is going to be a hell of a lot of kissing going on there. Damn it, I wish I was going!"

No way in hell am I gonna kiss my own body, or Draco for that matter.

I grunted as Draco pulled me towards him. And being that his body is stronger than mine, I managed to break away. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Gods, you're more hopeless than I thought," he muttered. Damn idiot.

He hesitated, and began to walk out of the room when for some bizarre reason I stopped him.

"Draco, wait."

He turned on his heel, "Whaaaaat?"

I briskly walked up to him, and much to his astonishment, kissed him on the lips.

I think it might have been the oddest thing I've ever experienced… kissing myself.

What is that throbbing?

It just keeps getting more powerful!

"Uhhh," I moaned as I pulled away from the kiss.

Draco just starred at my groin.

Okay, so what do I do? Does it just… go away?

Hahaha, end of chapter!  Anyway, please leave a review! Hope you enjoyed… I've got some good ideas for this story! 


	5. The Revealing List

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters, exct, exct.

A/N: Please, review! – I'm going to try to put more of their thoughts in italics, but no promises. Enjoy!

Shit! Fuck! I've never had to deal with this before… I mean, _obviously_ not since I'm a girl, but whenever me and Harry are together we always stop now and Harry rushes away. Oh my. _OH MY!_

"Enjoying yourself, Granger?" Draco asked.

"Err, I think _you_ are actually enjoying yourself… I think."

"Don't flatter yourself." _If she only knew!_

"So… I suppose we should keep going."

"_Keep Going?_ No! Are you crazy? I'm _not_ having sex with you… I mean my body isn't having sex with yours!"

"Granger, you're making it sound like I'm _enjoying_ myself… really! I'm just trying to prepare you for what's going to happen! Unless, of course, you want to go in there and have some complete strangers do it to you… me… first?"

"Well, _no_, but I don't want my body doing it either."

"Fine. I'll leave you to deal with your little problem on your own, then."

"Fine, Malfoy. Go ahead, do what you must." Hermione stood there with her arms crossed, waiting for him. "Can I ask you a question, though? Do you… I mean, do I have to have sex with people?"

Draco glared at her. "Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be showing you this."

Hermione blushed, "Oh… well…"

"Classes start in twenty minutes—you should get cleaned up and hurry down, Dumbledore is coming here to talk to us before class," Draco said and sauntered out of the room.

Do I wiggle my ass like that when I walk, or is it just Draco…

So what do I do? Can I get rid of this by showering, or do I actually have to, well, _you know_? Because I've never done that--I don't know how! Maybe if I took a shower.

Yes! A shower! I'm sure I've heard Ron and Harry talking about that a time or two. Hermione quickly ran to the shower, shedding clothing on the way there. (Wouldn't want to be late on the first day, after all!) I turned it on cold (I _know_ Ron and Harry have talked about this a few times, after all.) and moaned loudly and the feeling of water pounding on my penis.

Maybe if I touched it a bit…

It couldn't hurt to try that, eh? I'll just, you know, rub it a little or something. Hermione hesitantly put her hand on it and grasped around it. Yes, this is working brilliantly!

"Ooooh," she moaned. "Mmmm!" _I wonder if it feels this good on girls, too!_

Hermione felt and even more intense throbbing now and, on instinct, grasped her penis more tightly and began to move her hand up and down the long length. An even more intense throbbing came, then, followed by a feeling of pleasure and a milky white fluid coming out of the head of her penis.

She gaped at herself. She'd never had an orgasm before—in either of her bodies. Damn, it felt good! _Why didn't Harry and I try this yet? It feels bloody amazing, what was I so scared about?_

Hermione quickly cleaned off, and changed back into her clothes, ready to see Dumbledore before realizing that Malfoy would never, _never_ go into public with wet hair. _Or a flushed face for that matter._ She rummaged through her drawers to find her base that she seldomly used, she figured she could make Draco's completion better this way—it was, after all, quite flushed. Then she cast some simple hair drying spells and fuddled with her hair until it looked right.

She checked the time, she should be right on time to meet with Dumbledore. When she walked down the stairs she found Draco and Dumbledore sitting on the couch, Draco somewhat awkwardly—not having quite mastered the art of 'sitting as a girl' yet.

Hermione sauntered in, doing her best imitation of the 'Malfoy walk'. "Hello Professor Dumbledore," she drawled. "Malfoy."

He nodded back, "Granger."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "How did you find the transformation this morning? Surprising to wake up as someone else, isn't it?" Dumbledore asked, looking to Draco.

"Erm, yes professor," Draco replied.

He nodded in reply. "I trust Minerva told you why you had to change bodies?"

"Yes sir, in order for us to work well together," Hermione quickly replied.

"Excellent, Miss Granger! I came here today solely to see how you two were doing. Do you have any questions?"

"Yes, professor. What of our grades? Will I still earn my own grades?" Hermione hurriedly asked.

"No. That is another important aspect of the transition. You two must learn to trust each other completely: whether it is with your grades, friends, your secrets, or the rest of your personal lives. I have some sheets for you to fill out to help you get to know each other better. Oftentimes I insist that the Heads do this if they aren't close—which obviously is the case with the two of you. All you have to do is honestly fill out the answers; and trust me, the papers will know if you are telling the truth. And there are some…erm, quite personal questions on here, but they will come in handy. And don't worry, you two will be the only ones that see the answers. Here they are," Dumbledore said, handing them the sheets. "I suggest you fill them out before classes begin." Standing up, Dumbledore smiled warmly at the pair and headed back to his office.

"So I suppose we should do that, then," Hermione asked.

Name: _Hermione Granger_

Switched bodies with: _Draco Malfoy_

Best Friends: _Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley_

Pet:_ Cat, Crookshanks_

Siblings:_ None_

Favorite class: _Transfiguration… although I have found many other classes to my liking_

House:_ Griffindor_

How have your grades been in the past: _Excellent, all A's and perfects!_

Are grades important to you:_ Extremely!_

How much time do you spend studying: _Several hours a day, perhaps four?_

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: _Yes, Harry Potter_

Do you love them: _I think I do_

What is the furthest you have gone with him/her: _snogging_

At this point the paper turned red in Hermione's hands and yelled, "Be more specific! None of this sneaking around the point!"

What is the furthest you have gone with him/her: _Harry was in only his boxers, and I was in my bra; he felt my breasts_

Are you a virgin: _Yes! Obviously!_

What is your favorite hobby: _Knitting_

Do you swear often: _Only when necessary_

How would you describe your personality: _Kind, good listener, loving, warm, smart_

Are you shy: _Until I get to know someone_

Are you daring or safe: _Usually safe_

Would your friends describe you as a bookworm: _Yes_

Are you involved in any groups/activities at school: _SPEW (I am president of SPEW, which is for the rights of house elves. I knit them clothing items so that they can be free from being enslaved here)_

Do you wear make-up: _Only to dances or special occasions, I'm more of the natural type_

What is your favorite color: _purple_

Name: Draco Malfoy

Switched bodies with: _Hermione Granger_

Best Friends: _Blaise Zabini, Pansey Parkinson, and my other clique of girls_

Pet:_ None_

Siblings:_ None_

Favorite class: _Potions, obviously_

House:_ Slytherin_

How have your grades been in the past: _Obviously all A's, although I take pride in not being an INSUFFERABLE KNOW-IT-ALL!_

Are grades important to you:_ No_

The paper turned red in Draco's hands "LIAR, LIAR, LIAR," it screamed,

Okaaaay.

Are grades important to you: _Yes, but I pretend they aren't_

How much time do you spend studying: _None- I don't need to study_

_Boyfriend/Girlfriend: I have my group of girls: Helena, Verana, Clare, Lilia, Sara, Jenni, Jessica, and Mags_

Do you love them:_ No, but I love having sex with them_

What is the furthest you have gone with him/her: _I've had sex with all of them multiple times_

Are you a virgin: _Hell no, I lost my virginity in first year!_

What is your favorite hobby: _Quittach_

Do you swear often: _Fuck yes._

How would you describe your personality: _Outgoing, popular, bloody brilliant, keep most things private, deceptive, hot_

Are you shy: _NO_

Are you daring or safe: _Daring_

Would your friends describe you as a bookworm: _No, although I am brilliant I don't feel the need to waste all of my time reading_

Are you involved in any groups/activities at school: _I'm seeker and captain of the Slytherin Quittach team_

Do you wear make-up: _no_

Once again, the paper turned red

_Damn it!_

Do you wear make-up: _Fine, damn it, my complexion has to be perfect all of the time; and if it isn't I use base or cover-up to make it that way_

What is your favorite color: _green and silver_

"Are you finished, then?" Hermione asked. "We should switch, or we'll be late for class."

"You don't give a damn about being late for class, remember? You have all of the teachers in the palm of your hand."

"Oh, honestly! Give me that," Hermione instructed while swiftly grabbing Draco's sheet and handing him her own. "Don't let anyone else see it. And remember, be smart!"

"Granger, don't forget about the party." Draco glared and strutted off to his first class, potions.

Hermione sighed, pocketed the paper, and marched off to potions—Gryffindors and Slytherins had double potions together, first class.

A/N: What did you think? Like the lists? Review!


	6. I Love You

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters… yeah.

When Draco arrived at Potions, he tried to look as though he was enjoying himself immensely. 'I _like_ school. I _like_ school—remember that.'

"Hi, hon! Where did you rush off to at breakfast?" Harry inquired.

"Oh… well, I just had to do some… stuff," Draco stumbled.

"What kind of stuff?" Harry asked, putting his arm around Draco.

"You know, just stuff, stuff. You know how that goes."

"Not really," Harry replied, confused. He was about to begin saying how Hermione was completely not acting herself when Professor Snape sauntered in.

"Open your texts to Page 152… I expect you are familiar with the properties of Shepardsbane? Miss Granger, perhaps?" Snape asked sweetly, looking intently at her.

Shepardsbane… shit… I should know this one. Something with healing, or burning… cooking perhaps? Draco hadn't exactly been doing all of his summer reading; after all, he didn't have the time with partying and Quittach. As he was just about to open his mouth to reply sweetly, Snape interrupted him.

"Ahh, I see someone hasn't done their homework. Twenty points from Griffindor for neglecting your summer reading. Perhaps Mr. Malfoy could help you out? Malfoy."

"Absolutely, Professor, Shepardsbane is often used as a sedative for surgeries, and is a main ingredient in calming draughts. Although other substances can be used as a sedative or in calming draughts, Shepardsbane is the only that hasn't been found to have terrible side effects such as spots, insanity, or death." Realizing the entire class was staring at her; Hermione shut her mouth and glared. What was wrong with these people, really? I mean, after all, I _am_ Hermione Granger… _obviously_ I did my summer reading. Oh shit. God fucking damn it… I'm not Hermione Granger, I'm Draco Malfoy and I just made an ass of myself… or him really, but it's me, well never mind. Either way I made an ass of myself in front of the entire class—that was _so_ not Draco.

So with an attempt to fix my stupidity I glared at the kid next to me… Zorbi, Zambi, what was it? Ah, yes, Zambini. "What the hell's your problem?"

Laughing uneasily he replied, "Drac, since when do you actually _do_ your homework? You know you'd get an 'A' no matter what!"

What? Get an 'A' no matter what? Bastard. Snape was his godfather and he got good marks just because of that. "What makes you think I did my homework?" I spat back at him. Idiot.

I looked over to the other side of the room where Draco was glaring at me with such intensity it was like he was going to kill me then and there.

"Excellent, Mr. Malfoy! Thirty points to Slytherin for being a prize pupil!" Snape exclaimed. "Now…" he said launching into his lecture.

On the other side of the room Ron nudged Hermione, "Mione, what the hell? You _always_ do your summer reading… you _always_ read the entire book. You've _never_ not known an answer before."

"Well, Weasley, sometimes people _forget._"

"Weasley? Since when do you call Ron, 'Weasley'?" Harry asked.

"Potter, I don't recall giving you permission to talk… or are you above that now since you defeated Voldemort? Above everyone else?" Snape taunted.

"Professor that is absolutely none of your business! How can you talk like that to him; you should be down on your hands and knees thanking him!" Hermione scolded.

The entire classroom gasped, and the Slytherins visibly withdrew from 'Draco' for standing up for Harry. Blaise even went so far as to scooch his chair a bit to the left.

"What was that, Malfoy?" Snape asked, raising his eyebrow.

Shit, I have really got to learn to keep my stupid mouth closed, haven't I? "I mean, professor, this is _Potions_ class and we really do have more important things to talk about than Potter. Who really gives a damn!"

"Watch your language, Mr. Malfoy. And I suppose you are right, we wouldn't want Potter to start sobbing like a baby on us, now would we?"

Harry turned towards me and fiercely glared at me. At that point I just thought I would die. The man I am in love with hates me—but he doesn't know it. Holding in my sobs, I slunk lower in my chair; I couldn't even give him a dirty look to reciprocate the glare as I should have.

Hermione shifted in her seat thinking, Gods, how the hell do guys sit with these things! Honestly, I've had one for an entire day now, and I'm still not used to it… I keep thinking I'm going to sit on myself.

She tugged at her crotch, trying to rearrange her boxers into a more comfortable manner.

"What's the matter, Drac? Haven't gotten any yet today?" Blaise asked.

"I really don't think that's any of your concern, Blaise."

"Well I myself tapped Pansy this morning; I had one hell of a dream last night; you know how that goes. But she relieved me. And then after watching Granger and her fucking sexy ass walk through the Great Hall, I went and had another wank—"

"You think I'm hot?" Hermione asked.

Blaise held back a laugh and tried to keep a straight face; after all they were still in Potions. "Drac, while you are _very_ attractive, I've already told you I just can't think of you that way. I'm sorry."

_I already told you that?_ What the hell does that mean? Does Draco like men? What the hell? It's going to be hard enough fucking girls at the party, but fucking guys? How the hell does that work, anyway? Hermione stared at Draco and tried to imagine him liking men.

"Drac? You there?" Blaise asked, waving a hand in front of Hermione's face. He grinned, "You think the mudblood is hot, too! I always knew it!"

"NO!"

"She can't help her blood, you know. She might be worth a quick fuck… I'm going to work on her in Transfiguration; I'll let you know if she's any good. Besides, I'm sure you could get her real easy, with you two living in the same dorm and all."

"I _don't _like Herm—Granger." _Shit._ If word gets out to Draco that people think that he likes me, I'm dead.

"I never said you liked her… I just said she might be worth a good fuck. And don't worry; your mudblood love is safe with me."

Hermione grinned at him. Grinned? Fuck again, Draco isn't supposed to grin!

Snape soon dismissed the class, and they headed off to their next classes. Since students were now split up into classes through skill levels and not houses, Hermione and Draco were in most of the same classes. But the majority of their friends were in those same classes as well, which meant Hermione and Draco always had to be acting the other person; which was difficult considering 24 hours earlier they were enemies.

"'Mione, what do you say we take a little walk before Transfiguration? I know a great place we can go, and we can get… reacquainted again," Harry whispered seductively into Draco's ear.

Draco unwillingly shuddered and closed his eyes.

"And I can do so much more than that," Harry muttered, tracing along the upper hem on Hermione's shirt.

"Ugh, you guys are disgusting, get a room!" Ron complained. "Bloody hell, am I glad that I'm not in transfiguration with you two, I don't think I could handle this for two classes in a row!" Ron muttered while walking away.

"I—I really think we shouldn't," Draco said firmly.

"Why?" Harry whined. "I haven't gotten to spend any time alone with you since we've been back to school!"

"Well, Harry," Draco shuddered when he called him Harry, "we have a class next! We can't be late!" Draco grabbed Harry's hand and tried pulling him towards the classroom.

"Promise we can spend some time together later?" Harry said in a disappointed voice.

Wow, they must actually love each other… Draco thought.

He softened a bit, thinking of how Hermione was going to be shagging people for him… speaking of which, she better do a good job! "Yeah, okay, Harry. But let's go to class now!"

Harry kissed Draco on the cheek, "I know I've never told you this before, Hermione, but I have to."

"O-okay," Draco replied, hoping it wasn't going to be anything important.

"Hermione, I love you," Harry softly said.

"What?" Draco was so surprised, he was lucky he managed to say anything at all.

Harry's face reddened, "I mean, I know we sign notes saying we love each other, and… and stuff like that. But I've never actually said it to you. I realized that this summer." Harry paused, looking at Draco for a reaction.

Seeing that Draco was just staring at him dumbly, his faced reddened to the point where it would have rivaled Ron's face when he was angry or embarrassed. "Say something."

"I—I…" Draco stuttered. What the hell? He never told anyone he loved them. He just fucked them, and when girls told him that they loved him, he just… left. But that would hardly be appropriate here. Does Hermione love him? How the fuck do I know? She said she _thought_ she loved him… I can't just say she does. What if she doesn't? What the fuck?

"I… I'm sorry, Hermione. I just, god, this summer without you was torture, I thought about you all of the time… and I just realized that I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Hermione Granger, I want to marry you!"

A/N Sorry it's been a while since I updated… I was on vacation, but I'll try to update more quickly now. Well, do you think this was too heavy? Draco is in for the ride of his life! Please review!


	7. You Haven't Gotten Laid Lately

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters.

The End of Last chapter:

"I… I'm sorry, Hermione. I just, god, this summer without you was torture, I thought about you all of the time… and I just realized that I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Hermione Granger, I want to marry you!"

"M-marry me? You're _proposing?_" Draco managed to squeak out. Oh, this is wrong. This is so, _so_ wrong… I'm going to need therapy for years to work this out; marry Potter!

Harry blushed and nodded, "What do you think?"

Shit! I was really hoping he would say no!

"Obviously not until school is over… and… and you don't even have to say for sure right now, but…" Harry rambled. "Just know that I love you, and I would do anything for you! _ANYTHING_."

"I'll think about it, okay, Harry?" Draco forced out as sweetly as possible; and without gagging. He then grabbed his arm and yanked him towards Transfiguration. "But until then, it won't do to be missing class!" Draco was, for probably the first time in his life, thankful for class.

Harry grinned and nodded, "That's the Hermione I know and love!"

In transfiguration, Draco fussed with his quill, tapping it up and down on the desk, and periodically glancing from Hermione to Harry. He _proposed _to me? Really? Did that happen? And I was _nice_ back? I didn't laugh in his face? What the fuck is wrong with me!

"Miss Granger, is something the matter?" Professor McGonagall asked, concerned.

"Erm, no, Professor, why?"

"Well, you've been neglecting your notes the entire class, and not even paying attention. You haven't managed to answer one question yet! This is quite unlike you, Miss Granger, and I do hope it isn't a permanent change!"

Harry grinned at Draco, thinking the reason she wasn't paying attention was because he had proposed and she was so deeply in thought about it… which wastrue in some ways, I suppose. But mainly it was the fact that Hermione would be _pissed_, and Draco was contemplating whether or not he should tell her, and what he should say to Harry in the mean time. "Uhh, no, Professor, I'm sorry."

"Good. Now _please_ take out your quill… I'll be expecting an essay about what we've discussed today as punishment. One foot long," Professor McGonagall said, returning to class.

Hermione shook her head… he really was going to make her look like an idiot, wasn't he? Well, if he just didn't get his act together, she was going to make her life a living hell as well. She simply was _not_ going to that party this evening, as she told Blaise, who was sitting next to her.

He laughed out loud, receiving a stern glare from McGonagall. "No way in hell would you not be there… everyone who's anyone will be there… And if I might say so, you might be able to relieve some, erm, tensions of yours."

"What?"

"You know… I can see you haven't gotten laid recently," Blaise said quietly.

"Oh, fuck off, I'm doing just fine!" But apparently Blaise wasn't afraid of Draco at all—unfortunately for Hermione.

"Drac… I can just tell. Just like you can tell I got laid a couple minutes ago, eh?" Blaise leaned in further and whispered, "I got Granger."

"WHAT!" Hermione screamed.

"Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Zabini, that is quite enough! And from you, Mr. Malfoy, you are _Head Boy_! Each of you will serve detention tonight. Two hours. Eight o'clock, _be there!_" Professor McGonagall instructed.

"Tonight! No, Professor, we can't!"

"Oh? Why might that be?" McGonagall asked, raising her eyebrows.

Blaise looked to 'Draco' for help. "Err, Quittach," Hermione said lamely.

She peered at them through her glasses. "Aren't you the Captain, Malfoy? It should be quite easy to change the time; a couple of hours earlier, perhaps?"

"Hell no!" Harry burst out, and received a rather patronizing look from McGonagall. "Erm, sorry, Professor, what I meant to say is that Griffindor has the pitch at that time, and there is _no_ way we're switching!"

"Very well, I suppose the Captain can't very well miss his own practice… tomorrow night, then. Eight o'clock. And next time I won't be so lenient; you _will_ miss Quittach, captain or not! Class dismissed… Miss Granger, could I please speak with you?"

"Umm, of course, Professor," Draco replied.

"I'll wait for you outside, ok 'Mione… then we can 'spend some time together'," Harry said suggestively, glancing longingly at her breasts.

"Well… actually, why don't you go back to the Common Room, I'll come and find you later. She's probably telling me about some other head duties she forgot about… I might be awhile."

"Oh-okay," Harry replied dejectedly; he walked away like a sadpuppy.

"Mr. Malfoy …" Professor McGonagall began. "How are things going?"

"With the switch, you mean?... fine, I suppose."

She looked at him disbelievingly. "I am here if the two of you need to talk… and I must impress upon you how important it is for the two of you to act your parts. Otherwise people will begin to suspect something."

"Mhmm," Draco nodded absentmindedly.

"You may go now," Professor McGonagall said. "Have a nice evening, and don't forget about the essay!"

Shit. I hate essays.

A/N: End of chapter. Sorry this one is so short, but I thought something would be better than nothing. Please leave a review; I'm just curious about who is reading! 


	8. Is It Supposed To Be Slimy?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters.

Please Read and Review!

Warning: SOME AREAS OF STORY CONTAIN HIGH SEXUAL CONTENT… DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Read if your conscience and inhibitions permit. Enjoy!

Draco quickly returned to the Common Room that he shared with Hermione, and saw her pacing the sitting room. "Where have you been?" she asked worriedly.

"I—McGonagall asked how things were going. That's all. So Granger, are you ready for this party tonight? You can't wear that!" he exclaimed, looking her over.

"Actually, _Malfoy_, I'm not going."

"What the fuck are you talking about! Of course you're fucking going!"

"I've been thinking about it. One, it's against the rules. Two, Blaise-"

"If you don't go, I'm telling Potty that you won't marry him, you stupid little mudblood!" Shit. I hadn't meant to say that… I was going to hold it over her head until I really needed revenge. Fuck.

"What?" Hermione whispered. "Tell me you're joking," she said in a dangerous voice.

"Sadly, no. So, if you see your little relationship with Harry going somewhere… I suggest you go to the party tonight. Get drunk, and get with some whores. Merlin knows they'll be throwing themselves at you. Oh, and do a good job. I'm not the sex god of Hogwarts for nothing, after all!"

"You bastard. You fucking bastard! How dare you use my relationship with Harry! For all I know, you're lying."

"Hey… you're choice."

"Fine… but then you better be nice to Harry!"

"Whatever. Go change."

"I'm wearing this!"

"Oh, _hell no_, you are not!" Draco dragged Hermione to his old room to choose her clothes. While he was contemplating his clothing, someone knocked. "Pansy's here. Wear this: I'll go let her in," Draco said, holding up tight leather pants and (what else) a gorgeous green sweater.

"Parkinson," Draco spat when he opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Mudblood!" She sneered. "Get out of my way, I've come to get my Draco. Where is he?"

"In his room," Draco replied, taking a seat on the couch. He picked up his Transfiguration book, grimacing at its large size. _I have to do the essay!_

Hermione emerged from her room, looking very uncomfortable in such light leather pants. She never was one for tight pants, even as a girl. I mean, her… _thingy_ was bulging out! How anyone could find this attractive was beyond her!

"Oh, Dracey, you look _fabulous!_" Pansy cooed, seductively trailing her arm down his chest and looking at his nether regions suggestively.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Let's go, Pansy. Don't want to be late," she said. "Don't wait up for me, Granger," she spat before closing the door.

"Oh, Drakey, we're going to have such a great time!" Leaning in closer she said, "Blaise got strippers!"

Strippers! That is _so_ against the rules! How does Dumbledore not know about this?

Looking further down the hallway Hermione saw Harry sadly wandering around. She knew from experience that he usually did this when he was frustrated or angry. Oh, Harry, how I miss you! She thought.

"Malfoy. What are you doing here?" he angrily spat.

"I happen to be Head Boy… I am simply doing my rounds. You, on the other hand should be safely tucked away into your Common Room."

Harry sneered at him.

"Get back to your Common Room… next time I won't be so nice!"

"Fine. I wouldn't want to disturb you fucking your whores!"

Hermione just glared in return. It's so damn hard to be mean to him!

"Drakey, why did you let him off so easily?" she asked. Hermione had almost forgotten she was there.

"Oh… uhh… I just want to get to the party."

Pansy chuckled, "Excited, are we? You know, we could always take a side-trip into a closet, I haven't felt you inside of me for so long! Oh, Drakey!" she said, grinding herself up against him.

"UHhmm, not now, Pansy!" Hermione gritted out, trying to control a moan. As much as she didn't want to, her body was enjoying itself immensely.

"Oh, but you know you like it!"

"I said, NOT NOW!" Draco said, fixing his hair which Pansy had knocked out of place.

Pouting, Pansy said, "Fine. But I won't offer myself to you like this again!"

Draco laughed, "Yeah… sure. Let's just get to the party. I think I'm going to need a butter beer!"

They heard laughing coming from a doorway. "I think you're going to need something stronger than that if you wanna party," Blaise slurred. Apparently he had been getting a head start on the partying. "Get you laid, huh, buddy?" he asked. "C'mon, I'll get you some whiskey." He handed him an entire bottle. "Enjoy!"

Nodding, as he noticed everyone was watching him, he opened the bottle and took a swig. Spluttering, he made a face.

"Oh, Dracey, let me make it better for you!" Mags whispered.

"No me!"

"He likes me better; I'm first!"

"C'mon let's dance!" Verana said, pulling him in front of an insanely loud speaker. She took the bottle out of his hands and downed half of it. "You're turn!" she said gaily.

"I—I, okay," Hermione gave in. She took a small drink; just big enough so that one could see her swallowing.

"What the hell kind of drink is that?" An unknown Slytherin asked. "Someone would think you're a Hufflepuff or something!"

"Hahaha, good one!" The room busted out into obnoxious laughter.

Hermione, not liking to be made fun of said, "This isn't a good bottle. Give me a new one!"

Still laughing, Blaise handed him an unopened bottle.

Popping off the cap and taking a small swig she said, "Much better." She then downed more than half the bottle. Loosening up she said, "Now how about that dance?"

Verana put her hands on Hermione's hips and ground deeply into her. Verana let out a small moan. "Drrrrrraco!"

Surveying the room while he allowed her to ground into him, Hermione saw the Slytherin common room for the first time. The walls were pained a rich green with silver dragons adorning the walls. The furniture was a magnificent plush, and most chairs and couches were occupied by assorted couples snogging, and the remaining chairs were occupied by lively groups, drinking and laughing loudly. There was also a large bar, which, to Hermione's sneaking suspicion held pretty much every type of alcohol in existence. Looking towards the corners, Hermione saw Blaise Zabini shagging a Slytherin whore. Apparently Slytherins don't believe in 'getting a room'.

Her mind wandered back to the dance, and she wondered if she should put a stop to it now; Verana was rubbing harder and more quickly than before, and was beginning to get a reaction from 'Draco'. With each rub against her body, Verana moaned louder, and thrust harder. Soon she collapsed into Draco's strong arms; Hermione realized Verana had come just from rubbing up against her. Wow, horny bunch, she thought.

She deposited Verana on the nearest couch to collect herself, and headed towards the bar where Blaise was sitting. "Draco!" he yelled merrily. "Get laid yet?"

"Blaise… where are your pants?" Hermione asked. Damn… he was hot! He rivaled Draco and Harry; and _that_ is saying something!

"Oh, shit. Must've forgotten to put them on after… fuck, I forget her name..." he trailed off. "Ahh, well, it's much more comfortable this way, anyways. Beer?"

"Yeah, okay," Hermione replied. She felt as though she was the only one in the room who hadn't yet gotten laid, and wasn't drunk. And she also felt as though everyone knew. Blaise produced a six-pack, and quickly downed two.

Hermione struggled with the taste, but managed to finish one. As Blaise was now making out with another girl, he headed off to the next group to see what was going on.

"Drakey, they're waiting!" Pansy gleefully called.

"Waiting for what?" Hermione spat.

"Oh… hahahah, you're so drunk, you don't remember. You lost the game to Griffindor, so you have to have sex with me in front of all of them!"

"Hell no!"

"Oh yes, Drakey. That was the deal. Everyone will be sad if they don't get to see it!"

"Well they can just fuck themselves and die, then." Hermione huffed off and sat by herself in the corner. This whole partying scene was way too out of control for her. She didn't even like the Griffindor parties, and they were nothing like this!

She heard everyone cheering, and looked up to see strippers coming down the stairs. Apparently one had been ordered for most of the boys. A girl with obviously fake blond hair, and breasts literally falling out of her shirt strutted over towards 'Draco'.

"Draco Malfoy," she purred. "Remember me?" she asked, straddling him.

"No."

She appeared hurt, but unfazed. "You will after tonight!"

Leaning in for a passionate kiss, she simultaneously shoved her hand down Hermione's boxers and groped her.

She yelped, pushing the stripper off of her.

"Darling, perhaps you need some more to drink," she said, pouring another beer down his throat. While suffering from the unpleasant burning sensation, Hermione realized many of the boys were fucking the strippers right here in the room while the girls watched and jacked off on it. He then noticed the largest group of girls was around him… watching in anticipation for them to do something juicy.

The affects of the whiskey and beers was very heavily setting in on Hermione, and she allowed the stripper to pull her shirt and Hermione's off. The stripper rubbed at her own breasts, loudly moaning with pleasure. Unable to look away from the horrific sight, Hermione sat—mesmerized. How could someone be so desperate and hopeless as to be a hooker?

The woman on top of Hermione straddled Draco's waist and pulled her 'thong' (it could hardly even be considered lingerie) down, and roughly unbuckled Draco's pants, pulling them down, along with his boxers in one fluid movement. Hermione glanced at her penis… sick. It was all… _slimy_.

Last time it wasn't, and it wasn't throbbing all this much, either, she noted. What the hell? Is it supposed to be like this?

Well, what do you think of the party scene? Don't worry, it's not over… there's about to be a _very_ juicy party in 'Draco's' pants. laughs evilly Please leave me a review, even if it's just to say you're reading… I promise to update sooner, if I get some reviews from you WONDERFUL people!  REVIEW!


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